How to Handle Unwanted Wedding Opinions During the Holidays

Holiday gatherings are supposed to be cozy, nostalgic, and filled with pies, not unwanted wedding opinions about your big day. But as soon as November hits, couples tell me the same thing every year:

“Everyone suddenly has an opinion about our wedding.”

And not just soft opinions.We’re talking full-confidence, holiday-powered monologues about what your wedding should look like.

With Thanksgiving right around the corner, it’s the perfect time to talk about why wedding advice gets louder during the holidays, and how to respond without stress, arguments, or derailing the family dinner.

Why the Holidays Bring Out Unwanted Wedding Opinions

If it feels like your relatives turn into a panel of wedding critics the moment you walk in the door, you’re not imagining it. The holiday season delivers the perfect recipe for unsolicited advice.

You’re navigating:

• More family time

• More nostalgia

• More cocktails

• More opportunities for someone to “just make a suggestion”

People mean well, but those “helpful” comments don’t always land well.

The issue isn’t you. The season amplifies the commentary.

The Four Types of Holiday Wedding Commentators

To keep things light (because we’re all just trying to enjoy mashed potatoes in peace), let’s look at the characters you’re most likely to encounter.

1. The Nostalgic Traditionalist

This person starts every sentence with “In my day…”Back in their day, nobody did first looks, wrote personal vows, or scrolled Pinterest, and they will absolutely remind you.

What they want:To feel like their traditions still matter, or to connect with you through their own experience.

Best response:Validate, then set a gentle boundary.

2. The Budget Backseat Driver

This is the relative who hasn’t planned a wedding since a DJ cost $300 and roses were basically free. They gasp—loudly—when you mention what catering costs today.

What they want:Understanding. Their expectations are frozen in another era.

Best response:Confidence + a quick redirect.

3. The DIY Dictator

They’re incredibly proud of their DIY wedding era. By the end of dinner, you’ll know exactly how many hours their centerpieces took and how much money they “saved”, skipping the part where it took three weekends and at least five meltdowns.

What they want:Recognition.

Best response:Gratitude + a firm, polite shutdown.

4. The Boundary-Challenged Relative

This person gives you a ten-minute analysis of why you should pick a “more flattering” dress silhouette while you’re just trying to eat mashed potatoes.

What they want:Chaos only.

Best response:Humor + a clear boundary.

Bonus: The ‘I Saw This TikTok’ Cousin

They watched one wedding content creator this week and now think they’re your planner. Approach gently.

A Helpful Mindset Shift for Handling Unwanted Wedding Opinions

Here’s the truth:You do not have to defend or justify any wedding decision to someone who is not contributing.

Not during dinner.Not during dessert.Not during halftime.

Your goal isn’t to convince anyone you’re right.Your only job is to protect your peace and enjoy your holiday.

As you use the scripts below, remember:

You are not:

• Arguing

• Explaining

• Negotiating

You are simply closing the tab on the conversation.And if someone’s commentary truly doesn’t bother you, feel free to let Great Aunt Gloria reminisce about how weddings were different “in her day.”

Scripts for Handling Holiday Wedding Opinions

Feel free to copy and paste these into your Notes app so you can have them ready. You’ll be glad you did.

When Someone Disagrees With Your Plans

Short, kind, and closed.

• “I totally get why you love that, we’re just heading in a different direction, but thank you for sharing it.”

• “That’s a great suggestion! We’ve already made our choice, but I appreciate the thought.”

• “I hear you! We’re going with something that feels like us, but it means a lot that you care.”

• “I love that idea for some weddings, it’s just not the route we’re taking.”

When Someone Questions Your Budget

Confident, warm, and not up for debate.

• “We’ve put together a plan that works really well for us, but I appreciate you checking in.”

• “Prices surprised us too at first, but we’re working with vendors that fit our priorities perfectly.”

• “We feel great about the choices we’ve made, thanks for thinking of us.”

• “We’ve done our homework, and we’re feeling good about where everything landed.”

When Someone Recommends a Vendor You Don’t Want

Grateful, but not committing.

• “That’s so helpful ,I’m glad you had a great experience! We already have our process in place, but I’ll keep them in mind.”

• “Thank you! We’re already booked, but I appreciate the recommendation.”

• “So sweet of you to share that! We’ve already narrowed things down, but I’ll save the name.”

• “Love hearing good vendor stories! We’re set for now, but truly appreciate it.”

When Someone Challenges Your Guest List

Intentional, calm, and firm.

• “We’re keeping things very intentional, so we’re being careful with the guest list.”

• “We’re keeping things small and meaningful, but appreciate the thought.”

• “We’re sticking closely to our plan, but thank you for asking.”

• “We’ve made really intentional decisions about invitations, thanks for understanding.”

When Someone Pushes a Tradition You’re Not Doing

Validate, then maintain your boundary.

• “I love that tradition for you, we’re going with something that fits our style a bit more.”

• “That’s such a meaningful tradition! We’re doing something different, but I’m excited for it.”

• “I get why that’s special. We’re trying a new approach that feels like us.”

• “I love that it was important for your wedding. Ours will look a little different.”

When a Parent Gets Very Invested

Respect their enthusiasm, but set a timeline.

• “I love how excited you are, can we set aside some time after the holidays to go through everything together?”

• “I really value your input. Let’s plan a dedicated chat soon.”

• “This is all super helpful, can we talk through it after the holidays?”

• “Let’s revisit this in January when we can give it real attention.”

Post-Conversation Decompression

Afterward, try this:

• Vent with your partner or a neutral friend

• Write down boundaries you want to stick to

• Revisit your priorities if a comment threw you off

• Do a quick “game plan” chat with your partner for future gatherings

This isn’t drama.It’s strategy.

If You Want to Avoid Wedding Talk Entirely

Totally valid.Highly recommended for some couples.

Try:

• “We’re taking a little break from planning right now, tell me about your year.”

• “We’ve decided not to make wedding decisions over the holidays. We’ll pick things back up in January.”

People usually get the message.

Conversation Closers for When Someone Won’t Drop It

Use sparingly, but confidently:

The Diffuser:

“I hear you.”

The Tabler:

“This is a bigger conversation — let’s table it for later.”

The Closer:

“We’ve made our decision, but thank you.”

The Partner Swap:

“We’re good with the plan we’ve made, but appreciate the input.”

A united front always wins.

Final Thoughts on Handling Unwanted Wedding Opinions During the Holidays

Your wedding is not a group project—unless you choose to make it one.

People can have opinions.They can even share them.But you are not required to absorb them, justify your decisions, or change your plans.

You are capable, thoughtful, and more than prepared to handle holiday wedding conversations with confidence.

If you want extra support, the Planning Collective Membership offers tools, templates, timelines, and weekly Q&A sessions to help you plan your wedding without stress.