Hey guys, Kate here. Welcome back to another post of the Wedding Planning Collective blog. Today, I'm going to talk about 10 common myths of wedding planning. Let's get right into it.
1. Wedding planning needs to take over your life.
While some have been dreaming about this day for years, maybe even decades, others haven’t given much thought to the day before getting engaged. I’ve had some clients tell me they feel like they don’t have the “bride gene” because they just don’t feel the crazed excitement that others seem to have over it. That’s not to say they don’t care about it, but it’s just not something that becomes your main focus of their free time. I promise you, it’s ok if you don’t feel the need to bring your wedding plans into every conversation or post on social media.
2. Everything is more expensive because you use the word “wedding.”
This one is a personal pet peeve of mine, so much so I have a whole episode focused on it! Some call it “the wedding tax”, and the unfortunate myth that people really do believe is that if you tell a vendor that you’re planning a birthday party they will give you a cheaper price than if you tell them it’s a wedding. While on the surface this might be true, it’s because a lot more goes into what a vendor does for a wedding than for a birthday party. Weddings usually involve more prep time, equipment, man power, and the expectations and standards for a wedding are typically much higher than any other kind of party. Check out episode 17 for more details on why this is a true myth, and how it pertains to different vendor categories.
3. That certain relatives are ‘required’ to cover the costs of the wedding.
Long gone are the days when the bride's parents cover the majority of the tab, while the groom's family only covers the rehearsal dinner cost. The reality is that each couple's financial situation is different, and you need to approach it in a way that is best for you and your families. To learn more about how you can go about figuring out the different contributors for your wedding budget, check out episode 2 where I review what you need to know there!
4. DIY projects mean you’ll save money.
I’m not going to lie, I’ve probably spent HOURS on YouTube watching Pinterest Fail videos. They are so funny, and gave us the amazingly hilarious Netflix show “Nailed It”. I don’t care who you are, nothing is funnier than seeing a beautiful inspirational image of princess cake, followed by someone's real life failed version right next to it. It gets me every time, I love it!
But what I don’t love is when that happens to brides trying to do their own wedding decor, especially when it involves Costco flowers. While I respect the effort to keep the budget low, trials and mistakes with DIY projects often adds up to what it would have cost to just purchase or hire a vendor in the first place. And anytime that we’re dealing with items that need to be fresh, like wedding flowers or food items, it just adds to the pressure because it’s not something you can work on ahead of time.
Unless you are a very crafty person, I recommend you think hard about what items you’re going to attempt yourself, and always OVERestimate the cost in the budget for test runs or extra materials.
5. Every detail has to be perfectly meaningful and unique.
I’m not going to pretend that I don’t LOVE a unique and meaningful wedding detail, I often see couples feeling overwhelmed because they think every decision they make in planning their wedding must have a deep significance. While I think it’s important to incorporate some of those details in the day, there are going to be some things that are just simply less important to you, and that’s ok! Sometimes a chair is just a chair, or maybe you just really don’t care about having a guest book. Don’t let yourself get overwhelmed by the decisions that aren’t as important to you, and then you can give more time and effort to the details that are higher on your list.
6. You can’t see each other until you walk down the aisle.
I think we all know where I stand on this one, and that’s that I LOVE a first look! In fact, I’ve covered this one in another podcast, you can check it out in episode 12. To summarize though, seeing each other in a special moment earlier in the day will not only loosen up your timeline that day, but it will also mean that you get to spend more time together on your wedding day. If you’re still on the fence, make sure to listen to episode 12 after you finish this one!
7. Hiring friends/family is the same as hiring a pro - whether it’s a service or just labor.
Unless your friends/family are actual professionals in the industry by trade, this can be a very expensive and/or time consuming error. While it might be tempting to think that you can avoid the cost of a DJ by curating your own playlist on Spotify and have your friend set up his speakers, there are many other things that a professional DJ does, and brings with them on a wedding day that make sure things run smoothly. A professional in any category is going to help you with the prep, equipment, and expertise to make their cost 100% worth it!
Taking advantage of a professional's discount or gift of their services because you are family/friends is very different. Do make sure you still go through a formal contract process to make sure everyone is on the same page as to what is expected on both sides.
8. Your wedding party members are your new employees.
Another pet peeve of mine is seeing brides post in Facebook groups that they are upset that their wedding party isn’t doing more for them. While you certainly want to lean on them for support, and most likely want their opinions, your wedding planning is not their new job, so please keep your expectations realistic.
9. You won’t have to make any sacrifices.
This is an unfortunate one, and I hate to be the one to break the news, if you weren’t already aware. The truth is though, that after 18 years and 400+ weddings, I’ve yet to have worked with a couple with a truly unlimited budget. And even those that have what I would call a very healthy budget, there are many other variables (like venue size, location, and event logistics) that will make certain things simply not possible.
Here’s how I like to spin it, rather than thinking of it as sacrifices, think of them as compromises. If you have a limited budget, you might have to compromise on a smaller guest count in order to have the wedding at your dream venue. It doesn’t have to feel like a loss, but rather keeping your priorities in check. You can get more info on setting your wedding priorities in episode 31.
10. A backyard wedding is cheaper and easier than a comparable venue wedding.
This one is another fav myth of mine that I like to help clarify for couples. It’s so tempting to think that a backyard wedding will be the simpler and easier choice. While it certainly can be, the reality is that most couples that choose this option want to make sure it FEELS like a wedding, and not a backyard birthday or graduation party. And this is where things get tricky! If you’re thinking about having your wedding in a backyard, or a venue that requires you to bring in everything like tables, chairs, catering, etc., make sure you grab the free guide I put together on How to Plan a Backyard Wedding. And of course, there’s a podcast episode to go along with it! Grab the guide at the link in the show notes of the podcast, or at planningcollective.com, and listen to episode 31 to learn more. Are there any myths that you've discovered while you've been planning your wedding? Head on over to the Wedding Planning Collective Facebook group and share them with us.